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January 28, 2009 by Eva Elisa
Filed under Confidence Dating, Dating advice, Law of Attraction, Men And Relationships, Parenting Advice, Relationship
Men love to date and they have fun doing it. And I’ve got to tell you as a man that being single and dating was ALL I wanted to do for a long, long time.
No matter how wonderful the woman I dated was, no matter how the date or dates went and no matter how amazing the connection and potential was for something deeper, I was absolutely not interested in settling down or staying with just one woman.
It didn’t matter if the woman was gorgeous and had wonderful inner qualities, my own identity was that of a single man having fun and dating and nothing could have changed that. I didn’t know any other way to live my life.
A lot of single men are the same way. And attractive men who are “catches”, the kind that have good looks, intelligence, careers, etc. have even more fun dating because they can date whoever they want whenever they want.
They have attractive and interesting women available to them all the time. This changes their perspective and they end up not dating with any specific goal in mind. They’re not worried about if the woman has the potential to be a girlfriend. And if a date is awful, they don’t blame themselves or think it’s their fault.
They quickly move on. What happens with the guys that are “catches” and date a lot of women is fascinating. From the process of dating, they develop an amazing ability to identify a good woman from a “bad” one (one he wouldn’t want to spend his time with) within just a few words, tones, or movements interacting with the woman.
These men are around and approached by women a lot, so they need to find a way to quickly screen the “good ones” from the “bad ones” in their mind. So they develop a kind of “radar” for the “bad” women who don’t have their life together, or have emotional, confidence, or self-esteem issues, etc that will spell trouble or emotional issues later on.
And hey… I know that a man being this way and quickly excluding a woman if he sees these things in her personality isn’t very caring, patient, sympathetic or nurturing. But it happens so quickly and unconsciously that most men couldn’t even explain to you how or why they were doing it.
Lots of women do the same thing with men too… And what’s just as interesting is that guys who date a lot can sometimes develop an ability to attract women more easily than other man because they’ve learned to instantly “tune in” to where the woman is at physically and emotionally.
These guys spend their time learning how women act and react in all kinds of situations, and they learn what works and what doesn’t, which ultimately gives them a deeper understanding of the signals and triggers that women have.
Sometimes you see these skills go to a guys head and they use dating as an ego booster. Be careful here… The ego driven daters have two main groups:
- The Indulgers – These guys are going through a sort of “self-infatuation” and indulgence in their ability to meet women. It often happens with the kind of guys who never got women’s attention when they were younger, or guys who once had low self-esteem, but who are now rich and powerful. They now feel empowered and are enjoying a dating frenzy. Men like these can harbor a deep resentment of women and try to date lots of women and use them to get “pay-back” for all the years they suffered from female rejection.
- The Romantics - These guys constantly need the validation and approval of women. They have intense sexual fantasies and appetites. And they are looking to fill the emptiness in their own lives with female interaction and attention. Not all men date because they’re this way though. Part of the reason “regular guys” can and will date casually without settling down is their ability to remain relatively emotionally uninvolved even when they are experiencing an intense attraction.
Men have an internal drive that can cause them to value physical appearance over emotional connections. Remember the “quality vs. quantity” differences I talked about earlier.
But something else is going on inside every man’s head. Men have the belief that there are lots of very attractive women out there, and they could be dating any one of them if they could just meet them under the right conditions. For men, dating is an ongoing part of their life that brings fun and entertainment and gets them out into the world.
I’ve learned something interesting. There’s a paradox I see that comes from all the dating that men do. A man likes to date lots of women before he decides to settle down… and so in the process he learns what he wants and what he doesn’t want from dating lots of different women.
It’s the oldest dating/relationship paradox: You can’t know what you truly want from a person in a relationship unless you date several different people, but you can’t date several different people and have a deep relationship.
Women, on the other hand, take themselves out of the learning process in the dating/relationship paradox too quickly.
Do you know any women who are serial monogamists and are never single, or if they are they never like to date? These women are missing out on the entire learning process of dating and they’re setting themselves up to be unable to identify a good match from a bad one.
Dating serves a very important purpose in developing skills that are crucial to finding a good relationship: identifying a good man, identifying the wrong men, knowing what you’re after, personal communication skills, reading body language, etc… The list goes on.
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